Things Women really need to know about Guys
Women might be a mystery to men, we all admit that, but, in order for us to get along well, there are a few things that they should know about men too:
If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking. Unless the answer is yes. In which case, can he videotape it?
Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to his manhood.
Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when you’re done.
If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
Don’t hog the covers. Really.
“Fine.” is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.
Of course he wants another beer.
He does not want to be just friends.
Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
He was not looking at that other girl. Well, okay… maybe a little. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…
He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
Your (select appropriate item) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e: microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
He heard you the first time. Honest.
Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’re with.