The Aftermath

To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You just don't get over it. The pain may ease over time, but the gap in your life never closes. How could it? The memory of someone that mattered to you is not erased by their death - the hole in your heart is in the shape of them, and no-one else can fit it. Why would you want them to?

I think of my father every day. Even though it has been 13 months since he died, I still grieve. I will grieve for the rest of my life. 

Society expects you to "get over it" after a "suitable" mourning period. I find this ludicrous. There is a little support out there, understanding people that will help you cope with your grief, but grieving makes a lot of people uncomfortable. They don't know how to react, how to help, so unfortunately they just stay away.

I have noted that a lot of people who were part of my parent's life for many years now just aren't there any more now that Dad has gone. I find this perplexing and very sad. Did we matter that little to you? Or is it that you are just uncomfortable and don't know what to do.

Be a friend. Treat us as you did before - we won't cry all over you or be endlessly gloomy. Call in for a cuppa, ring up to say hello, and yes, you can still include us in social activities. Just don't isolate us because you don't know what to do. 

There are those who have and always will be there, and for them I am eternally grateful. You know who you are - I cannot thank you enough.