Reflections on Grieving
"It's so curious: one can resist tears and "behave" very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window... or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed... or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses." -- Colette
I found this quotation moving, and very relevant to the way I have been feeling over the past twelve months. You think that things are getting better then just one small thing will make hot tears spring up behind your eyes, your throat closes up and you have to fight to stop curling into a ball and wailing. It's the little things that break your heart.
Yes, time does heal and the hurt does dull down a little bit, but I think that this sense of profound loss is going to be with me for the rest of my life. All the regrets, the what ifs, the if onlys....
I know that doing things differently probably wouldn't have had any effect on the outcome, but oh how I wish I could go back in time and change things, to have my dear Dad alive again. I regret so many things left unsaid. He wasn't the sort of man to talk about himself much. I loved him so much and there is a hole in my heart that can only be filled by him. I miss you so much Dad.
Life is short. You could lose the ones you love too soon. Go now and tell your loved ones just what they mean to you while you have the chance.